Along with TIPP, this skill was one of the very first DBT skills I was taught. They definitely goes hand in hand as the OG skills that are the most useful for those just starting out on their DBT journey. STOPP is most helpful in situations where out emotions might cause is to feel urges to act impulsively on unhealthy behaviours. By using this skill, we can learn to become more in control and prevent escalation into acting on urges and impulsiveness.
what does STOPP stand for?
Stop and step back Take a breath Observe Pull back Practice what works
Stop and step back
Stop. Don’t act immediately. Freezing in the moment helps prevent you from doing what your emotions want you to do and act impulsively.
Take a breath
Take a step back from the situation and notice your breath as you breathe in and out. Shifting your attention to your body and helps you keep control. Give yourself as long as you need to feel calmer and more in control of the situation and avoid acting impulsively.
Observe
Pay attention to your mind – what are you thinking and feeling? What is your mind saying? Is this a fact or an opinion? Observe what is happening around you and within you. Try to observe these things non-judgementally and focus on the facts without letting your mind jump to conclusions. Try to use this information to understand what is happening and what options moving forward are available to you.
Think about whether you are using an unhelpful thinking habit such as mind-reading (assuming you know what the other person is thinking and feeling), negative filter (only focusing on the negative in the situation or losing sight of your mood only allowing you to see the bad side of things), catastrophising (focusing on the absolute worst case scenario).
Pull back: put in a lil perspective
Stop and think of how an outsider would interpret the situation or how you would respond if you switched places with a friend. Think about what advice you would give to a loved on in the same situation and consider the reasons in which are fuelling your reaction. A personal example of this could be that sometimes I find myself in situations where I have been triggered and my mind is reacting in a way that once kept me safe. I find myself reacting to those triggers rather than the current situation. This is a tough on to master but learning to recognise whether your feelings to a present situation are being fuelled by your past rather than the current moment is extremely helpful in these moments. Pulling back can help you take a moment to consider these things and while constantly questioning your reactions can feel overwhelming and exhausting at times it really does help avoid unnecessary conflict. The line between being curious and trying to understand your thought process and gaslighting yourself is fine and sometimes working through this with someone you trust can really help. Writing your feelings down on paper in the form of a brain dump and coming back to them a bit later can also be beneficial in reframing the situation and helping you to heal and form those new, healthy pathways in your brain.
Practice what works
Think about what has been most helpful to you in these situations before and do that. There are countless healthy suggestions floating about such as having a bath, going for a walk, journalling, etc but there is no point practising things that aren’t helpful. While some people may find journalling incredibly helpful to process things and feel better, others may find it makes the situation worse or is just unhelpful in general. Some people might find venting online in a safe place more helpful for example. Finding what works for you and having those coping mechanisms at hand is what this point is all about. Keep in mind what is going to be best and most helpful for you in this situation and take time to note the consequesnses of your actions before acting on them.
An example of this could be –
I am extremely angry and want to shout and scream at this person.
The consequences of that would be an excalation in the situation. You may feel guilty or ashamed afterwards. The other person is unlikely to hear you properly and communication will breakdown.
An alternative to this could be practising this skill and communicating with the other person that you are feeling overwhelmed and need some time to cool down. You could take this time to write things down or go for a walk or even practise TIPP to get you to a point where you can think and process in a helpful way.
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