dbt skills | core mindfulness | wise mind

One of the first skills I learnt when I started dbt skills was the concept of wise mind. There are three states of mind: emotional mind, reasonable mind and wise mind. Often a lot of us engaging in emotional regulation skills work or dbt find ourselves in emotional mind rather often which can lead to emotional distress and usually more acting on urges. I personally feel like this skill is perhaps the most important to master in order to implement other skills effectively and explore the reasons we became unwell in the first place. Recognising that engaging wise mind doesn’t erase the emotions you are feeling is important here but having the skills and awareness there to enable you to think lessen the amount you act on urges and create an environment to foster more positive responses and limit secondary negative emotions and prolong the distress is the goal.

emotional mind

Emotional mind tends to be an automatic reaction in the brain. It is driven purely by emotions that may or may not have been caused by past experiences

While emotional mind definitely serves a place and is helpful in a wind variety of situations, it is when we are reacting in a way that will cause distress or negative feelings and consequences afterwards and that is where the importance of wise mind comes in.

and example of helpful emotional mind:

A good example my CPN gave was if she was walking along the pavement with her 3 year old and they were to run into road her reaction would be to grab him wherever she could to avoid him getting hit by a car. Now this reaction was purely instinctual and emotionally driven, the consequences may have been that she hurt him when she grabbed him but the alternative would have been worse should he have got hit by a car. This is an example of when emotional mind is favourable. Had she stood to think about it before she acted then he could have got really hurt.

an example of unhelpful emotional mind:

A common classic of emotional mind I think the majority of us can relate to in some way would perhaps be getting into an argument with someone, perhaps a friend or a partner and having it escalate into raised voices or maybe shouting and calling them a bellend or something. This kind of reaction driven purely by emotional mind will leave us with secondary negative emotions afterwards, maybe guilt for calling them a name or regret for having shouted.

reasonable mind

Reasonable mind is the polar opposite of emotional mind. It is rational, task focused and based around facts and definitive actions such as paying a bill. It is cool headed and feelings, values are not important here.

an example of reasonable mind:

Your rent needs to be paid so you log into your bank account or whatever, find out the amount you owe and pay it. It might be that you have run out of bread or milk so you write a shopping list and go to the supermarket or corner shop to buy the bits and bobs you need.

wise mind

Wise mind is one of the most important skills to master in dbt. It allows us to use both sides of our brain/ reasonable and emotional mind to combine a middle path seeing both the value within emotion and reason and being able to recognise and shift accordingly in an attempt to lessen distressing emotions following reactions in emotional mind and move forward in a more positive and productive way.

an example of wise mind:

Say you have a doctors appointment coming up and you REALLY don’t want to go – you’re feeling anxious about it and you want to cancel and rearrange. You feel sick and shaky but you make your way there and attend the appointment because your health is important and the logical, reasonable thing would be to go. You are experiencing both states of mind and combining them together for the best and most positive outcome.

Maybe you had a disagreement with your partner and felt extremely angry and wound up but instead of shouting you communicate your feelings and listen in return. Maybe taking yourself away for a little bit for some mindfulness practise before returning. Wise mind doesn’t stop you from feeling the emotional side of things but it helps to combine logic and reason into the mix for a more desired outcome. In this situation a solution to the disagreement with your partner and no escalation into shouting or calling each other bellends.

I remember feeling really cringey almost when I started this module, I felt like this is kids stuff almost but that’s the thing – the majority of us didn’t have this stuff modelled to us as kids so we are now adults without the skills to regulate our emotions in a way that can limit the distress we feel in difficult situations. It’s not our fault we don’t know but it’s now that we can take it into our own hands and facilitate the change and the knowledge to enable us to live a more positive life and allow us to hold skills to cope better. Maybe you find you have even figured some of this stuff out on your own along the way without realising, either way it is absolutely understandable to struggle with these things especially if we have grown up in an environment that was very invalidating and neglectful. We are doing our best with what we have got at this moment and the more we move forward through dbt the more skills we will have and the further we can move forward. You are not flawed or broken for not knowing this stuff already – please remember this my angels.